THE TRUTH BEHIND MY COLORS

A short tale of colors and apologies. Given and taken. And the ones never received.

Time has a funny way of grabbing you by the hair and teaching you lessons through the years. I was never once completely black and white. I was never the blunt, brusqued nor was I ever straight forward. I would mask things in color. In bright yellow smiles. In rouge emotions and Baby Blue smirks, being too shy to be black nor white. I was underdeveloped.

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I had found myself in rougher parts of the world.  Perhaps the corners who knew only black and white to be the way of surviving. I learned to walk this walk and talk this talk. No longer hiding behind grey-er areas, the yellows, the reds nor the blues. I learned. And learned. Until all I knew was to be honest. About what I wanted. What I needed. What I felt. Most specially, who I am. And to be honest, it felt good.

One day I walked past a beautiful Auburn dress. Lace bodice, vintage trimmings, a light touch of handmade embroidery and finished off with some tasseling. And it took a few breaths away from me the second I laid eyes on her.

She took me back to that girl from years ago, who hid behind the yellow smiles. The rouge emotions. And the baby blue smirks. Then suddenly, my Vintage Saint Laurent Blazer didn’t seem a good fit anymore.

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I found myself thinking off the ones I held the truth from. People. Dreams. My dreams. The truth from myself and the people from my past. I found myself closing doors I once left open years ago, to halt the arrogant draft from blowing onto old wounds. I too received apologies I once waited so long for and thought would never come.

The most important one of all was to the girl who hid behind the yellow smiles. The rouge emotions. And the baby blue smirks. I apologize for shunning out your dreams to make way for others’. I apologize for not having put you first. Your goals. Your ambitions. Your passions. Your growth. I apologize for not listening enough because I was too busy hearing what everyone else had to say. I apologize for having been too scared to defend you, too worried what everyone else might think. I apologize for leaving you behind along with the colors you loved. Forgotten. Merely a memory.

As for the ones never received, I’ve learned to forgive and close those as well.

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The truth is, you can have both. You can be bright, bold and patterned even, and still be black and white. Whether the world likes you for it or not, in all honesty, you can rock all the colors without hiding a single thing. Time, has a funny way of grabbing you by the hair and teaching you all these colorful lessons through the years doesn’t she?

Wearing [ Hanes top, Anthropologie bottoms, Tony Bianco sandals, Sensi Studios bag]

Captured by Brock DeHaven